Life Is A Joke

Especially when it takes away your reason to have hope.

A New Kind of Love

Yours truly here tried all of February to come up with something positive to write about love; being that love is "celebrated" in said month. I don't know whether I'm more amused or cynical because I was unable to construct a single positive thought about the topic. However, that's old news.

I admit to having been a disgustingly hopeless romantic at one point in my life. I also admit I let that get me into some trouble as far as the choices I made in some of my previous relationships. Sometimes you should take actions that benefit you as an individual, rather than think of you and another person as an item, and therefore deny yourself things that you may not see coming into your life for a long time; if not ever.

Anyway... For someone who would like to say "I've felt love before, and I can recognize exactly what it is at this point in my life," I'm not certain it'd be a completely true statement until today. The reason, however, is not that I've patched things up with an ex, met someone new who has swept me off my feet, or started dating someone of my own gender (come on, you know bitter women experiment more than others). The kind of love I seem to have "stumbled upon" is one I actually was not prepared to know, or feel, much less experience right now. For some time, I didn't even think I'd ever be ready, or even want it. That's the truth. But life spins you around, and through no other action than your very own, you end up in the center of consequence. Whether it's good or bad, will always be up for debate; but how you feel and carry yourself throughout your situation will define your life and the life you've created.

So in other words, I haven't actually MET the person I absolutely, with no doubt in my mind or heart, love more than anything and anyone I've ever had in my life. I don't know what gender this person will be born with, I don't know what this person will look like. I don't even know when exactly this person will finally arrive. I do know, however, that without any of that knowledge, I already feel..... whole.

And no matter what the circumstances are, I also feel immensely grateful.

Happiness

There is nothing more ironic than watching the man you once loved give to someone else the one thing (and everything) you wanted and he denied to you; and finding yourself to be okay with it.

People keep telling me how friendships last forever while marriages don't. I'm not so sure it matters in the end. I believe you build relationships with people, friendships included, which are as strong as the effort, trust, time and truth you invest in them. I also believe that nothing lasts forever. I'm not a believer of guarantees, and the only ones I can accept are the guarantees for death and taxes. Oh, wait. There's also Karma.

Anyway. When you realize that a chapter of your life has closed and a relationship you once had with someone has morphed into something else, your happiness, perhaps, is no longer what you once wanted. Sometimes knowing that this person who means so much to you has some sort of happiness in their life, really is enough. Does this mean you're never going to feel disappointment and anger anymore? No. But at least it means you're not a selfish asshole, bitter, forgotten, and wishing some bad shit on somebody.