Would You Please Make Up Your Fucking Mind?

Indecisiveness. I get it. But still; quit dragging another person up and down with you. You know, you could possibly just make things as crystal clear as you phrase them when you projectile-puke them at the other person instead of saying one thing then doing another, and then going back to your original "I thought I told you that blah blah fucking blah fuck blah."

It's infantile. Grow up. Real men (and women) actually stick with and follow through what they say they're gonna do.

The Very Famous "I'm Going To Die Alone, But I'm Fine With It" Saga

You know... some animals actually disappear into complete isolation when they sense that they're going to die. I've always found that interesting.

Anyway. If you want to die alone, do me a favor... don't get involved with someone who doesn't. As a matter of fact, don't get involved with anyone. Just put yourself in your fucking bubble and stay there, away from people who can possibly love you, and die eventually; alone, like you've always wanted.

Makes it easier on everybody.

The Ghost Of Ex-Boyfriend Past

Ever have that weird dream where someone from your past returns to make amends? Does it mean YOU want closure or that you've actually found it? Weird, isn't it?

Now, why is it that once you find yourself in a good situation, relationship-wise, more people seem to want you? It's funny, almost. You meet someone and begin to establish something, things begin to feel good, things seem to run smoothly... then all of a sudden-- your cell phone plays the standard ringtone, which means whoever is calling isn't part of the usual group of people who call you; or you get an e-mail that makes you go "What the fuck????" for days. You get the point. Ah... what to do when the Ghost visits you?

Ig-fucking-nore it... that's what. If you've had your closure, chances are, so has this loser. Even if you haven't, chances are, this person has absolutely no need to contact you, other than to make you go "What the fuck????" for a few days.

So unless this is someone you had some sort of stable, longterm friendship with--like your best friend since 8th grade or something-- there probably isn't a necessity to allow this Ghost back into your life. However, if you have the power to pick up the phone, or send a reply to that e-mail and keep this person at arms' length-- although I still think it's a terrible idea-- you might just go ahead and answer. Sometimes you need to find out whether or not you are well past the point where the Ghost has any effect on you whatsoever.

Let's Talk About Collision. Yes, Collision.

I worked for a nice man a few years ago as his paralegal. During the time I worked for him, I got to know him thanks to his sincerity and being able to speak his mind on the spot. I like people like that. So one day discussing relationships in general, we touched on the subject of in laws meeting for the first time and possibly being completely different, as in conceived, born and raised on another planet. Those gatherings are interesting.

Anyway, I happened to use an expression more or less like this: "Well, you know, it can't be easy when two completely different families sit down at one table. I mean, you get married, you want to spend a holiday with your loved ones and your wife with hers. You learn to split the holidays or be at two places at once when possible. It's only fair that when two families collide, there is equally dedicated effort to bring possible mutual interests to the table so they can get to know each other...." and blah blah blah, he cuts in: "Did you just say collide? as in.... a car wreck? that's hysterical."

I liked the way it sounded. I'm not sure I actually meant to say that introducing your significant other's family to your own is ever really meant to turn out like a car wreck. But it was still funny. I like the term, anyway.

New Curtains, New Light...?

You'd be surprised what a huge difference they can make. Yes, curtains. It's almost like opening your eyes at night when it's pitch black and not being able to see squat, then you go back to sleep and someone turns the lights on and you open your eyes once more. WOW! You missed a bunch of shit while it was pitch black... like the pure assholishness of the mold of a man you seem to keep dating. Unbelievable. At least now, when the lights go off, it's YOU turning them off, and not that dickface. Good for you!

Anyway.

I met with my friend Pablo for dinner and talked about lots of things. A really interesting, and somewhat funny story was told to me. Apparently one of his female friends was having man issues and like most people, found herself in a destructive pattern-- dating the same type of men over and over. Pablo happened to point this out to her, but then, instead of suggesting that she break the cycle in other possible ways, he says "You should date a Caucasian." Uh... excuse me, but are we really there? Really? Uh, NO.

I mean, look, I get it. Latin women, we're complicated. We are a breed of women that don't like to settle. A lot of the time, we, women in general, tend to stay in not so good situations for whatever reason. I don't want to say being Latina will make you more prone to it than others. Maybe it's the kind of female friends Pablo surrounds himself with, I don't know. I just thought at that moment... can it really, REALLY come down to that?

And then I thought of the Colombian woman stereotype. Believe it or not, not ALL Colombian-born or raised, or blood-carrying women are golddiggers; or have had intensive plastic surgery in their lifetime. Believe me, I attest to this with a passion being one of the veeeeerrrryyyy few.

My words to Pablo: "At the end of the day, I'd like to think we're all.... different. I'm sure at times it may not seem like it. We all do horrible things to one another, male, female, Latin, Caucasian, etc. I really don't want to think that the answer to your friend's problem is simply dating a white guy."

Hmm.

Then it made me think for a minute. I've dated too many Caribbean men.

One Of My Stories

Ehhh, what the hell. This might make me feel better.
Jorge is one of the men that I think about and go "OUCH" because of. Oh, yeah. Let's just say that encountering what you never knew before and seeing it's real (a.k.a. "love") can take a whole lot out of you, at any given age. Jorge was and probably is in my eyes, perfect in most ways; wise, intelligent, very easy on the eyes, funny with maybe a bit too much of morbid humor and sarcasm, but fun nonetheless. Our values, morals, beliefs and general thoughts were intertwined from the moment we met, except for one small detail. Jorge had been through his share of relationship horror and by the time we met, he no longer wanted marriage or children.  Actually, come to think of it, Jorge didn't even want a relationship at all.

We seemed to hit it off quite well the first few months.  We had fun, and probably even a bit of chemistry going on between us.  He mentioned at one point the possibility of any prospective relationship failing terribly, because his latest ones really didn't make it past the first year or so.  But, of course, he said he'd like to try and see what would happen.

Plain and simple, I should have just walked away... year in or no year into said relationship. Oh, well.  Anyway, I believe it lasted around two years, maybe a little bit more.

Many unexpected things became known.  Among those, the fact that while actively dating me, Jorge had a pregnant woman friend somewhere, expecting none other than his first child. Yes, fucker friend, Mr. No Children and No Marriage. For a long time I wondered the why's and the how's , and even through constant communication, I still did not understand.  I remember the day his phone butt dialed me and I heard for the first time as Jorge played with his year and a half old son, and denied every bit of it that night when I confronted him. 

Broken trust, to this day it's something I'm not sure one can ever repair in a relationship.

I guess the cliche has some truth to it... time just might heal some wounds.

Eventually, the disappointment, the shock, the miscommunication just sort of lessened. Only when you come to terms with the truth and how things happened are you able to cope and move on. I don't know why things happened the way they did with Jorge. Fortunately, I have found my place in his life and his place in mine. Perhaps if we had not dated, we would have been nothing more than great friends. Either way, that is what we were for a long time, and the positivity that it brought into both our lives is absolutely priceless.


Moral of the story... there are many.

TBC'd.

Back To Square One

...How fun!

Now you figure out you've wasted however much time, effort and energy you've put into a one-sided relationship. Congratulations. Now keep moving and don't look back. You'll come across "greener pastures."

Open Relationships

Ideally, one writes well when one writes what one knows. Personally, yours truly here has absolutely no experience with open relationships, but has met people who do.

The other night talking with a close friend, I got to the conclusion that most people are unhappy, unsatisfied, and extremely sexually frustrated in long term relationships. How could this be? if you're with someone for a long period of time, you'd figure you both know each other well enough to please each other or at least maintain some level of compromise in the relationship. Anyway, my friend's situation is yet another example of this type of dilemma. I know this person well enough to state that she wouldn't be game for the whole open relationship business, and most likely, neither would her husband. Now, when it's just for the purpose of a physical fulfillment, what would the person on the opposite side of the spectrum say? In other words, if you knowingly sexually neglect your spouse/partner, how can you deliberately have any objection to an option like an open relationship? For what it's worth (and really, I'm only looking at all possible sides of this situation, nothing more), there's only so much a fucking toy can do for you. So let me examine this from the side of the neglected.

Him: "Baby, I'd like to open up this relationship. I'd like to get laid on a regular basis, and if you can't deliver, it's only fair that I try elsewhere. This won't interfere with US."

Me: "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

Okay, that wouldn't go well. I admit it. Let me turn the tables for a minute.

Me: "Hey, I'd like to open up this relationship. I've tried for months to make this work, and it's not happening. You seem to want to be with me in most senses, except in the biblical way. I'm not sure if there is something else I can do that I haven't tried, but if there isn't, my next option is to just look for what I want elsewhere. So.... what do you think?"

Him: "If you're going to fuck someone else, I may just stop fucking you completely."

Yeah, I can't see it working for me; at all.

I wonder if people who go for this option can make it work. I wonder about a lot of things, don't I?

And if you do opt to have an open relationship, how do you not mix one (in other words, merely a booty call) with the other (namely this long term relationship with your stable partner)? Do you set up a schedule, kind of like when you move in with someone and decide to be neurotic about who does the dishes on mondays and takes out the trash on thursdays? Or do you just lie to your partner and say you've gotta work late while you go and get off with your jump-off only to spend your weekend with your adored significant other?

I just can't see this working out well. But that's just me.

Praising Good Relationships...

... and that doesn't necessarily mean romantic or sexual.

A friend of mine e-mails me in the middle of the night while feeling philosophical. Understand that although I'm an insomniac who deeply treasures sleep when it happens, I try and make myself quite available for a phone call or message to/from a friend who is going through a difficult time. So I get this message from The Monster (his nickname and he loves it, let it go) and read it, twice. I realize that not only has this message hit me with its own impact, I realize it's done it at a very appropriate time.

The Monster's Story Of My Life

"Sitting on the kitchen counter, well inebriated, dwelling on the past and obsessing of the future as I look at my glass, seeing part of my troubles, anger, sadness and loneliness in its liquid form waiting to be swallowed and pissed away. Unfortunately that's just temporary as they are soon to reappear at some point for me to repeat this vicious process.

Do nice guys really finish last? Fucking cliches. See right now my very neglected pal Instincts kicks me in the rear reminding me that I should've listened to it and not that dumb fool a.k.a Heart, who by the way, is running out of crazy glue to keep the fucker together. Is that what I'm fated to do the rest of my life, listen to good ol' Instincts? One would say that is the safest route but damn, that sounds like one very lonely road that is coming around the bend and me with no brakes. Pathetic, ain't it? Guess it's punishment for being blind and ignorant and wishing I had listened to those who truly care about me."

We're all human... we all suffer. Male, female, gay, straight, confused, curious, etc. Life throws at us challenges that often make us doubt ourselves, even without us admitting to it. I wonder if it's possible to have a healthy relationship before being romantically clusterfucked... or do we need to clusterfuck ourselves in order to become (someday) fit, ready and willing for a good, stable relationship? Is it all part of a learning process? I wonder.

What A Bunch of Cowshit!

Ever have somebody tell you "I care for you and don't want you to see anyone else, but I'm not ready for a commitment"? As unprepared for commitment as you may be, you should just leave that decision up to the other person-- you know, the dumbass you wanna tie down to you without giving yourself 100%? Yeah, that person. Let THEM decide. Why should YOU be the one who holds the future of this relationship when you're the one that:

a) is pushing them away, shutting them out or facing your own fuckedupheadness and using it as an excuse

b) want to play the field, without them knowing that

c) gets absolutely burnt when there is a shift in control

You should not. Let them decide. If they're naive and ridiculously into you so that they opt out of the rest of their options, then so be it. But you, you've really got no say in what someone does because you're too stupid/bitter/jaded or plain ol' immature to commit.

Next time you're gonna tell someone you care for them... show it.
Never deny them their options. And never deny yourself your own options.