Yes... I've lost track. Here's Pasture D.

Pasture D: What You Don't Know CAN Hurt You

I can actually prove it. You may think keeping something from a significant other is saving you and/or that person grief. Sure. It may be, even. However, think very hard and very long before you decide to lie by omission. When you are put on the spot because someone's intuition or better yet, your own stupidity leads them to the truth, be ready. Be ready to either bullshit even further, or to come clean... Just know that whichever one you do will result in a great immediate disappointment.

While I can later on appreciate the reasoning behind "lies by omission," I'd like to strongly advise you against it. It's going to bite you in the ass... and if you're like me, the struggle will be greater than it should be.

The key word int his one is COMMUNICATION. That doesn't drive you nuts... but the lack thereof will kill your relationship... not even quickly and painlessly... more like slowly, messy and extremely... painful and disappointing. Ugh.

So... Whatever pasture your trotting on right now, remember that among all the things that make you crazy, you still hold control of what you say to your partner. If you communicate, you might just save a good relationship, or a great friendship... a partnership. And you know... a partnership doesn't necessarily have to consist of "serious relationship" status. You can have all the qualities, all the elements, all the right stuff, and not call it that. That... is what I'd like to name (or in the famous words of Michael Jackson's will "nominate") as Pasture E.

And I'm on my way to discuss that one next time.

Remain honest... at least to yourself. When you lie to yourself, you lie to the entire world. Don't be your own biggest disappointment.

Pasture C: Playing The Field

Ah! Perhaps the most favored pasture on this cow-harvesting land we call romantic life.

I'll tell you why playing the field can suck, because I'm sure you've already reaped the benefits of why it rocks.

One: Never mind the freedom of doing what you want, seeing who you want and of course, bedding who you want. At the end of the day (or perhaps the bright beginning of it, depending how your bedding schedule works) you're still alone. Sure, you can go have dinner with A and hit up a bar with B and wake up and shower with C, but we all know that kind of thing leaves you with temporary pleasure, nothing really worth holding onto that won't wear off.

Now, there are different ways of playing the field. You can always just spend time with your, uh, prospects and not bed them. Sure. That's fun too, but you know what that's called? Uh, having fucking friends. That's allowed, even if you were in a relationship; so long, of course, as it doesn't mean you're a fucking cheater who displays affection to their friends by fucking them.

Two: People out there are crazy! I mean, if you think you're crazy by going through your own shit, imagine how crazy someone out there can possibly be. Sure, everyone can seem normal when you meet them... not to mention first dates are full of shit. But holy hell... people out there really are crazy. Dating is no longer a normal thing you do. When you mention to your friends "I have a date tonight," there is always some sense of fear and negative anticipation-- yes, your friends know that A) you like crazies or B) you don't know how to filter them out very well. Your friend, dear loser fucker friend of mine, is fearing the repetition of a bad situation already... and they don't even know anything about this person!

Often enough, people will accuse you of the same. Perhaps we've just reached the point where we are so darn jaded that... we act crazy among each other, towards each other, in the presence of each other, etc. I myself have some dating horror stories that... perhaps will shine through sometime.

Three: Attachment. And THAT can definitely make one of the people involved EXTREMELY c-r-a-z-y....

It's messier than the melted shit on the highway I told you about before. Trust me.
Shit.

Pasture B: What The...

Fuck! Seriously.

So now you've met someone and you think you've both liked each other enough to accept one another the way you "really are." Congrats.

Most of all, I congratulate you, dear loser fucker friend of mine, for finding yourself two years down the line, still in a relationship that may have been satisfactory at one point, and you know about as well as I do, that it no longer is.

You and I both know-- let me rephrase that-- I KNOW that someday you're going to snap. All these things you hold inside and bottle up for the best of the situation of whatever the fuck, are just going to explode and spill on you like melted shit on the highway after a trailer truck's been hit with a bazooka. Yep, it's that fun. The other rad thing about having kept your cool for as long as you were unhappy is the completely clueless reaction your crappy partner will have. That look-- it's not only priceless... it's a load of crap. Yep... they know what they've been doing all along, and you better believe it.

After careful consideration and finding yourselves in a clusterfuck of shared miscommunication, you ask yourselves "What now?" and not knowing which way to go or what to do, or how to break away, one of you brilliant morons decides to just "go with the flow."

*Smacks self on forehead*

This can only lead to NO GOOD.

Your own damn hard-headedness.... THAT also makes you incredibly crazy.

Pasture A: Being Alone Can Be Tricky

...and I don't mean alone as in not having a soul around you. I mean alone as in not being able to find yourself in a good emotional place for a relationship.

Acceptance. This is also another thing that makes us crazy.

Some people can adapt easily... like chameleons... they blend in, they adapt, they don't protest. Others, fight to the death to find themselves back in that now lost comfort zone. And finally, others roll with the punches until becoming absolutely exhausted. The latter group of people don't always end up accepting entirely the new terms of their existence, but rather become exhausted and instead of wanting to continue trying to walk through a rocky mountain, they decide to go around it. That's the group I'm focusing on.

It's tricky to accept that no matter how bad you want something, you may not be ready for it. Yes! It is possible, and yes, this can happen. How do you accept it? How do you not only recognize a bad situation, or a not so bad situation, or better yet, a good situation, and admit to yourself that you're just not ready for it? How do you go from wanting it so bad, and KNOWING that you're no good for it at the moment-- yet you can't shake off what you feel and keep moving on your own?

I honestly wish I had the answer. Having recently placed myself in that third group of loser fuckers, I'm honestly out of luck and out of explanations.

I do know one thing, though.

If it's for you, it ain't going anywhere. Work for it, work hard. Be patient. Improve yourself. Fight. And be grateful that rolling with the punches has only bruised you a bit, nothing more.

AAANNNDDD This Is Why We're Crazy...

Have you ever sat around in your apartment for an entire weekend, from the moment you leave work on a friday night to the minute you're rushing your ass out the door on monday morning to try and make it on time to that same hateful place? No? I have. I've actually gone LONG weekends without even breathing one bit of purely fresh-New York City-chinese food smelling- garbage thursdays- air. Why? Have I found a safe haven in between these four walls around me? Sometimes I'd like to think so; except when I do, people around me point out that it's just not... normal. Normal? Really? Hmm.

For what it's worth, nothing and no one can come in here without me allowing it to happen. The not so good part, though, is that even I can admit I've screwed up big time and allowed not so great things into my life, and that is something I can't escape, even in here.

Comfort. THIS is why we're crazy.

Too comfortable with that crappy job that lets you get away with shit so long as you put up with low pay and shitty treatment from left and right? Too comfortable to step out of your house on a hot, humid, sunday? Is the sex just too good between you and a crappy partner, or one who is less than decent to you? Too comfortable to drive or fly more than a few miles to spend time with someone you've been curious about? Too comfortable being in a crappy relationship to try something new, always with your five cent philosophy that 'it will be crappy with anyone'? Well, friend... this is why we are crazy. Comfort, although hard to find, can be hard to break away from; and once you do (or IF you do), it can leave you feeling pretty darn c-r-a-z-y.