...Please don't panic; I'm not contemplating one.Do second chances ever end well? Someone like me thinks not. It's simple, if you're so right for each other, so absolutely in love with one another and whatnot; why do you need a first chance to fuck it up and hurt each other and a second one to redeem yourselves? It just makes absolutely no sense.
Perhaps it's one of those "You gotta be there to appreciate it" situations, where really, you can look from the outside but never really know what it's like unless you're on the inside. Seriously, all bullshit aside, though... when was the last time YOU gave a second chance to someone and it actually worked out well? I may be wrong for making the assumption, and judgement, that second chances are simply big "Welcome! Please have a seat and fuck me over again" signs that we put up so that we can later feel sorry for ourselves, but how could one not consider it?? Is it done on purpose? Probably not, although masochism IS real. I've witnessed it.
Anywho...
For all those of you who say things like "Third time's the charm," here's a thought:
I think that second chances do exist. Sure, you run the risk of the person never truly having learned fromt eh first go-round, but what is life without risks anyway? I agree that one should not place one's self in a destructive cycle of continuous torture, but some of the best results I've had have come from allowing someone to learn from their previous mistakes and try again.
ReplyDeleteExample: Guy at work, let's call him "Oliphant", begins walking a self-destructive path: showing up late for work, not showing up at all, productivity decreases, mistakes start being made, quality of work goes to nil. Due to the system imposed by the local government and trade union, Oliphant can't be fired right away, a paper trail must be established and a case must be made, then follows an investigation, a hearing and, eventually, some sort of punishment or dismissal.
So, I begin the tedious task of logging his misdeeds and personally counseling him as to his errors at work (nothing on his personal life, it's none of my business). This only further degrades his flagging work ethic and he seems to give up altogether, showing up even less often for work and obviously losing weight and that luster that lets you know that a person is really THERE. I seriously consider writing him off as a lost cause as I fill out the paperwork that will send him, at last, to his hearing with the labor board.
Then one day he comes into work, the shine back in his eyes, and a look of total remorse on his face. "Boss," he says, "Why you want to take my job away?"
Do I really need to explain this to him? I mention that it isn't my desire to take his job away but a result of his poor choices. "But Boss, I went to the bone doctor and he fix me up!"
Naturally I am skeptical, but I allow him to work that day and I observe. He is back to his old self again, joking with those around him and putting in a full effort. Here lies the conundrum: do I let things run their course and allow this man to be fired and perhaps dash his chance at full recovery from whatever has been destroying his life up until now or do I ask the Site Manager to hold off on the paperwork and allow for the possibility that I will be disappointed again?
Believe it or not, I gave him a second chance and he didn't disappoint me. After that, for the next six months that I was his boss, Oliphant performed splendidly and I even recommended him for his trade test (basically, arranged for the possibility for him to prove himself an artisan and thereby earn more money).
I later discovered what had eaten his life up, and the "bone doctor" wasn't able to cure it, but he had changed his outlook on life and that had made all the difference, but who's to say that my "generosity in restraint" didn't contribute to his new lease on life? Can we be certain that his loss of gainful employment might not have tipped the scales back in favor of abject despair?
Now I'm sure this story isn't typical, and that people have a tendency to fall quickly back into destructive habits (hell, I'm guilty myself), even if you give them every opportunity to dig themselves out, but consider that people seldom get it right the first time around. We've all heard that Thomas Edison had failed literally thousands of times to invent the light bulb before he was actually successful. Perhaps we should give others the opportunity to fail their way to greatness in our lives, so long as it doesn't destroy us in the process.