Sex Appeal

For men, I believe it's very visual. A woman looks a certain way, and his biological fuck needle starts to shake. For women, not so much. Sure, we have our stages in life where we act or feel the same way as men, but mostly, we look for some sort of trait that makes YOU, the one loser fucker we choose, different from the rest. Yep, it's true. Trust me.

Now, I am all for gawking at eye candy. I'm actually a complete sucker for a man in a good suit. However, conversation with said good looking man in a good suit is just as important. Perhaps at one point or another you meet somebody that's absolutely so good at not talking because you're too busy to even come up for air that you might not really give a shit; but when you do, as a woman, we tend to pray that this dude isn't going to have verbal diarrhea with nonsense or sound plain ol' dumb as rocks.

One big factor that I believe can stimulate any relationship is good conversation, and a variety of exchanges of intellectual thought. Sure, I can sit and sip my wine while you go on and on about your job, or how your uniform got stained, or how new model cars are looking these days, but it wouldn't hurt to hear something of value from time to time. Actually, it'd be pretty fucking nice.

You shouldn't take offense to a woman saying something like this. It doesn't take a rocket scientist or Harvard graduate to come up with good conversation. And please, don't fuck yourself over by faking it either. That's most certainly worse.

Okay, so the other day I was talking to my good friend and confidant, Ginger. We have been lucky enough to date a pair of neanderthal brothers in our past. Now, we don't like to share and exchange shit about them, but it's bound to happen at some point as we talk about new relationships and so forth. On one occasion, I had the misfortune to receive a very graphic "compliment" from Mr. Terrible (Yes, I mean it, that's his name). Something along the lines of when he'd have the pleasure to perform a certain tongue-related action to a part of my body "where the sun don't quite shine" once again. Listen, men, I am all for dirty, filthy talk, but this shit was just not sexy. Funny enough, this is a man who really can't talk about anything else (maybe sports, as he keeps track of life's daily events according to baseball and basketball scores-- the loser). It's like Chris Rock said in one of his specials: a man with enough time to practice great technique in the sack can't have a full time job (or some shit like that). It would be safe to assume he may also not have time to read a fucking book. :-)

I have a 17 year old nephew who makes me laugh quite a lot. He thinks ignoring girls at school seems to make them like him. He also dislikes "small talk." Being that I'm a woman, and was once a high school girl myself, I tell him small talk is actually what will get him laid. Only horny older women seem to appreciate the straight to the point approach of "Let's go, you know what time it is." Ah, classy. I wish he weren't rebelling and would listen. And speaking fo classy, a rad compliment I got recently was that of a comparison of one of my photos to a modern day Aphrodite. That was nerdy, sexy and classy at the same time.

I wish most men knew who Aphrodite was.

So yes, intelligent men are sexy. And you don't have to scream "sex" to make a conversation absolutely engaging. Now let me go finish my crossword puzzle while I watch CNN in my heels..................

H.e.a.l.i.n.g .....

It is a never, ever ending process; because just when you're about to completely stand the fuck up, someone else decides to stick their foot out and trip you.

After a long, much needed hiatus, yours truly may have recovered a will to write again. I use the word "may" because although there is always something to write about, there may not always be a will to do so.

In the past this blog emphasized on relationships and human behavior that quite honestly does not make any sense. While you may find yourself completely bored, and then pleasantly surprised to see that there is a new post on this blog, let's just call shit by it's real name. Pessimistic, jaded and heartbroken individuals who may find humor in another's horror stories-- That's what's in here. This time around, however, I think I have new material (Yes! imagine that! New horror stories) to share, which eventually, and hopefully, will sound funny enough to help you heal from your own real life bullshit experiences. If not, then I hope you can at least get a goddamn laugh out of it-- and if I fail to even do that, perhaps we can make a pact with Satan and he can give to you the time you wasted reading my motherfucking shit.

Now, let's proceed.....................

Life Is A Joke

Especially when it takes away your reason to have hope.

A New Kind of Love

Yours truly here tried all of February to come up with something positive to write about love; being that love is "celebrated" in said month. I don't know whether I'm more amused or cynical because I was unable to construct a single positive thought about the topic. However, that's old news.

I admit to having been a disgustingly hopeless romantic at one point in my life. I also admit I let that get me into some trouble as far as the choices I made in some of my previous relationships. Sometimes you should take actions that benefit you as an individual, rather than think of you and another person as an item, and therefore deny yourself things that you may not see coming into your life for a long time; if not ever.

Anyway... For someone who would like to say "I've felt love before, and I can recognize exactly what it is at this point in my life," I'm not certain it'd be a completely true statement until today. The reason, however, is not that I've patched things up with an ex, met someone new who has swept me off my feet, or started dating someone of my own gender (come on, you know bitter women experiment more than others). The kind of love I seem to have "stumbled upon" is one I actually was not prepared to know, or feel, much less experience right now. For some time, I didn't even think I'd ever be ready, or even want it. That's the truth. But life spins you around, and through no other action than your very own, you end up in the center of consequence. Whether it's good or bad, will always be up for debate; but how you feel and carry yourself throughout your situation will define your life and the life you've created.

So in other words, I haven't actually MET the person I absolutely, with no doubt in my mind or heart, love more than anything and anyone I've ever had in my life. I don't know what gender this person will be born with, I don't know what this person will look like. I don't even know when exactly this person will finally arrive. I do know, however, that without any of that knowledge, I already feel..... whole.

And no matter what the circumstances are, I also feel immensely grateful.

Happiness

There is nothing more ironic than watching the man you once loved give to someone else the one thing (and everything) you wanted and he denied to you; and finding yourself to be okay with it.

People keep telling me how friendships last forever while marriages don't. I'm not so sure it matters in the end. I believe you build relationships with people, friendships included, which are as strong as the effort, trust, time and truth you invest in them. I also believe that nothing lasts forever. I'm not a believer of guarantees, and the only ones I can accept are the guarantees for death and taxes. Oh, wait. There's also Karma.

Anyway. When you realize that a chapter of your life has closed and a relationship you once had with someone has morphed into something else, your happiness, perhaps, is no longer what you once wanted. Sometimes knowing that this person who means so much to you has some sort of happiness in their life, really is enough. Does this mean you're never going to feel disappointment and anger anymore? No. But at least it means you're not a selfish asshole, bitter, forgotten, and wishing some bad shit on somebody.

Culmination

Sometimes you just have to stop trying to swim upstream and accept that the current is either going to drown you or exhaust you until you drown yourself. When in this situation, make it easy on yourself.

Practicality can be the best thing you ever engage in. It's easier said than done, but sometimes you just know when you've reached a limit, gone the extra mile, spilled your last glass of milk, etc., and so you feel prepared to finally let go.

The Universe will test you. Life will test you. Be strong, believe in yourself, and maintain discipline. No one, not even yourself, can sabotage you if you do these things. Most importantly, believe in your cause, and believe that something better is coming your way. You can't get out of a shitstorm unless you decide to.

Sometimes the end really does come. Some people will tell you cliches like "nothing lasts forever" and other stupid shit... but I know better. Some cycles are hard to break, some nearly impossible. But... endings really are necessary when you find yourself in a repeating conflict that you can't seem to just take charge of. So take charge. Stop the cycle. End it now.

Second Chances

...Please don't panic; I'm not contemplating one.

Do second chances ever end well? Someone like me thinks not. It's simple, if you're so right for each other, so absolutely in love with one another and whatnot; why do you need a first chance to fuck it up and hurt each other and a second one to redeem yourselves? It just makes absolutely no sense.

Perhaps it's one of those "You gotta be there to appreciate it" situations, where really, you can look from the outside but never really know what it's like unless you're on the inside. Seriously, all bullshit aside, though... when was the last time YOU gave a second chance to someone and it actually worked out well? I may be wrong for making the assumption, and judgement, that second chances are simply big "Welcome! Please have a seat and fuck me over again" signs that we put up so that we can later feel sorry for ourselves, but how could one not consider it?? Is it done on purpose? Probably not, although masochism IS real. I've witnessed it.

Anywho...

For all those of you who say things like "Third time's the charm," here's a thought:

Would You Please Make Up Your Fucking Mind?

Indecisiveness. I get it. But still; quit dragging another person up and down with you. You know, you could possibly just make things as crystal clear as you phrase them when you projectile-puke them at the other person instead of saying one thing then doing another, and then going back to your original "I thought I told you that blah blah fucking blah fuck blah."

It's infantile. Grow up. Real men (and women) actually stick with and follow through what they say they're gonna do.

The Very Famous "I'm Going To Die Alone, But I'm Fine With It" Saga

You know... some animals actually disappear into complete isolation when they sense that they're going to die. I've always found that interesting.

Anyway. If you want to die alone, do me a favor... don't get involved with someone who doesn't. As a matter of fact, don't get involved with anyone. Just put yourself in your fucking bubble and stay there, away from people who can possibly love you, and die eventually; alone, like you've always wanted.

Makes it easier on everybody.

The Ghost Of Ex-Boyfriend Past

Ever have that weird dream where someone from your past returns to make amends? Does it mean YOU want closure or that you've actually found it? Weird, isn't it?

Now, why is it that once you find yourself in a good situation, relationship-wise, more people seem to want you? It's funny, almost. You meet someone and begin to establish something, things begin to feel good, things seem to run smoothly... then all of a sudden-- your cell phone plays the standard ringtone, which means whoever is calling isn't part of the usual group of people who call you; or you get an e-mail that makes you go "What the fuck????" for days. You get the point. Ah... what to do when the Ghost visits you?

Ig-fucking-nore it... that's what. If you've had your closure, chances are, so has this loser. Even if you haven't, chances are, this person has absolutely no need to contact you, other than to make you go "What the fuck????" for a few days.

So unless this is someone you had some sort of stable, longterm friendship with--like your best friend since 8th grade or something-- there probably isn't a necessity to allow this Ghost back into your life. However, if you have the power to pick up the phone, or send a reply to that e-mail and keep this person at arms' length-- although I still think it's a terrible idea-- you might just go ahead and answer. Sometimes you need to find out whether or not you are well past the point where the Ghost has any effect on you whatsoever.