The Punctured Male Ego

Men are clueless.  Just to make things clear for you neanderthals, when another member of the female species happens to compliment, or hit on your woman, it could be handled in some simple ways with little repercussions, if you don't allow your self-absorbed-caveman-attitude to take over in less than .0184 seconds.

Now, most ordinary men would probably jump at the opportunity of their beloved being hit on by another chick, but if that's not your style... you know what else works?  A good banging to reinforce that heterosexuality that perhaps too many drinks and a lot of attention from another human being may or may not seem to distort.

At what point does a man realize that his ego is actually the least important in a situation like this?  Perhaps, loser fuckers, the issue is a lot deeper than it seems and your relationship's foundation is overall cracking and descending, shifting with each daily fuckup of yours.

Now, I'm not saying there is a right or wrong way of handling this situation.  But it doesn't take a motherfucking rocket scientist to figure out that blaming or getting pissed at your significant other is the solution.  In fact, it's just the tip of the shit-berg.  I hope you have a nice, heavy duty umbrella for this one.  The shitstorm's just about to start.

Sex Appeal

For men, I believe it's very visual. A woman looks a certain way, and his biological fuck needle starts to shake. For women, not so much. Sure, we have our stages in life where we act or feel the same way as men, but mostly, we look for some sort of trait that makes YOU, the one loser fucker we choose, different from the rest. Yep, it's true. Trust me.

Now, I am all for gawking at eye candy. I'm actually a complete sucker for a man in a good suit. However, conversation with said good looking man in a good suit is just as important. Perhaps at one point or another you meet somebody that's absolutely so good at not talking because you're too busy to even come up for air that you might not really give a shit; but when you do, as a woman, we tend to pray that this dude isn't going to have verbal diarrhea with nonsense or sound plain ol' dumb as rocks.

One big factor that I believe can stimulate any relationship is good conversation, and a variety of exchanges of intellectual thought. Sure, I can sit and sip my wine while you go on and on about your job, or how your uniform got stained, or how new model cars are looking these days, but it wouldn't hurt to hear something of value from time to time. Actually, it'd be pretty fucking nice.

You shouldn't take offense to a woman saying something like this. It doesn't take a rocket scientist or Harvard graduate to come up with good conversation. And please, don't fuck yourself over by faking it either. That's most certainly worse.

Okay, so the other day I was talking to my good friend and confidant, Ginger. We have been lucky enough to date a pair of neanderthal brothers in our past. Now, we don't like to share and exchange shit about them, but it's bound to happen at some point as we talk about new relationships and so forth. On one occasion, I had the misfortune to receive a very graphic "compliment" from Mr. Terrible (Yes, I mean it, that's his name). Something along the lines of when he'd have the pleasure to perform a certain tongue-related action to a part of my body "where the sun don't quite shine" once again. Listen, men, I am all for dirty, filthy talk, but this shit was just not sexy. Funny enough, this is a man who really can't talk about anything else (maybe sports, as he keeps track of life's daily events according to baseball and basketball scores-- the loser). It's like Chris Rock said in one of his specials: a man with enough time to practice great technique in the sack can't have a full time job (or some shit like that). It would be safe to assume he may also not have time to read a fucking book. :-)

I have a 17 year old nephew who makes me laugh quite a lot. He thinks ignoring girls at school seems to make them like him. He also dislikes "small talk." Being that I'm a woman, and was once a high school girl myself, I tell him small talk is actually what will get him laid. Only horny older women seem to appreciate the straight to the point approach of "Let's go, you know what time it is." Ah, classy. I wish he weren't rebelling and would listen. And speaking fo classy, a rad compliment I got recently was that of a comparison of one of my photos to a modern day Aphrodite. That was nerdy, sexy and classy at the same time.

I wish most men knew who Aphrodite was.

So yes, intelligent men are sexy. And you don't have to scream "sex" to make a conversation absolutely engaging. Now let me go finish my crossword puzzle while I watch CNN in my heels..................